I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
