How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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