went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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