so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
