Duck Duck Cougar?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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