did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
