I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
