literally had 100 drinks last night.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
