I wannas sexs uuuuu
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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