I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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