God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
