Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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