My first STD was from a foam party
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have aggressive nipples.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
