Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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