Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
