how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
