It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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