Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
