you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
