I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
