You just made me feel so damn special
Me too!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
