so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
