I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
