You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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