You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
