Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
