respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
