I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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