Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
me + whiskey = a bad person
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
