One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
