Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
