What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need water and some morals
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
