She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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