i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
