My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
