well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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