This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
