p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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