If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
