apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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