ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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