Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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