last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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