I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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