I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
