checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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