There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
