her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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