8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
