no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
