Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
