She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
