lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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