There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
