dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
