But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
