Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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