My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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