um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have aggressive nipples.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
