If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
