I can tuck mytits in my pants
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
