seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize