so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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