Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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