running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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