hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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