i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
