I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
