I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
