I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
