I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just cropdusted the office
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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