ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
