Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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